Will Those Turn Down

All I said was wait.
But she had left.

Live to eight

She would not wake… neither would I. Love; love built this scene and it ended it. It was love that convinced me to help her with any problem she faced. Not everything needed my help, but she knew how much I liked helping her. I remember waking up this morning, it was cold and the air outside full of mist. My sweet Lisa turned to me and said,

“My life has had too many downs, you’re my only up. I don’t know how I would go on with out your warm arms around Me.” then came her slow tormenting tears. “No longer do I feel a need for work, or the next electricity bill. I have met the love of my life and spent the best time with him. Yet we reached the peak long ago and no, we have nowhere to go. Just sitting at the top, but I cannot do it any moor. My love for you has not faded it is still strong. That is why I want this to end now, I just could not handle it if you where to go.”

We stayed in bed silently looking into each other’s eyes. In our late twenties we had past the past puppy love and falling into contentment. I truly love her, proving that was something we both did regularly. Weather it was by gift or hold each other for hours not counted, we knew their was no one else. Truth was is that we did not have to prove our love; our eyes always did that for us.

I held the subject, until 12:35 when I asked, what we where to do. Dieing in each other’s arms was the answer, and then we discussed how it we would go. Lisa then pulled a bottle from the top draw of her side table as if she had done it a million times. I would still have gone along with this if I had noticed the fluency. No words need to be said, the label of the full sleeping pill bottle explained everything.

For the rest of the day till 8:00 we laid together. I did not think about family or friends for we had none. We would not be missed and that was fine with us. Life had taught us one thing, its that everyone leaves in the end, we just wanted to leave together. And we did silently and in full embrace of each other. To all those who wish to follow this path, I warn you of one thing, make sure that if your partner tries this on you, swap her fakes for the reals.
She would not wake… neither would I, I made sure of that.

Superhero Suicide

I have no reason to bleed anymore, no longer to have a cause. What I first thought was my final victory, a long worked achievement, was something completely different. I brought happiness to so many, but to myself, I only brought sadness. A fight, fought many times, hatred and respect for 19 years, now at an eternal end, no longer to be needed. Will I be remembered? Will what I have done really make a difference? Or was it just all in vein? An old friend gone, my cause gone, the love gone. All that is left is an old useless man, once super hero, now factory minimum wage worker.

Blue Sky

In the end this was all eventual.
Losing all of my need.
Never showing or holding potential.
Leaving this all in the river.
I now bleed .
No longer whisked into the lead.
Poison lining my liver.
My grave stone, above the vine.
Accidental .
It was a result of my bottle-feed.
In the ground I will now forever dine.
The worms across my body, will slither.
Somehow I sleep as an intellectual.
Yet no longer to head.
Into my inconsolable greed.
I no longer bleed.

As I Leave No Flowers

I walk pass you again today.
No longer trying to remember the pain.
Never to wet the cloth that strangled my heart.
I’d sacrificed pride for hate.
In turn you hated me for that.
By you I no longer sit.
Now you lay to a awaited sleep.
Throwing those memories away, in haste.
For that I forever pay in voice.
The dark cloud follow, as once you had.
You walked to death, I continue on by.
Once again you are left by me.
Your face never lasting.
Yet none hated me as much as you.
I believe.
As for that I left now flowers with you now.
Not now, not ever.
For this will the blade cut me?
A stare from you grave will no longer kill me.
I continue to walk with out you.
No longer from the grave yard will I hail.
Now not a stranger ready to fail, I walk.

Jane No-Name

Tell me not to stay, for this no longer seams ok.
Misery is here, stitched like the girl you are.
Is this what I am to make of all your ramblings and patterns.
You to fade, is for me to no longer to be in this jar.
But in the end, I am only a liar.

You hid, you escaped, you stayed for the pain.
Always returning to bring me down, for a laugh.
Bringing me down, you were always good to go.
But in the end, you were to slow.

Talking only makes the problem worse.
Maybe that’s why we never stopped talking, always squawking.
Explaining how you would celebrate and decorate my hearse.
My grave stone you are chalking, and you still kept talking.
But in the end, we both asked for it.

Now the alcohol poisons, and no longer brings ecstasy.
The cloths fall apart, and no longer brings sight.
Heads once held high, now drape.
We are both to blame, and we cannot escape.

Dropping the gun.

As the poet lays one final time, he utters his last words.
"My life committed and devoted to lies."
Before he leaves and walks with the devil,
he will break these ties.
So no not one loved or hated will cry.

Bottle Near End

Thinking that I could do this myself, but that seamed to unfair. I might have been mostly alone for most of my life. It was only 4 years ago that I started to get a regular friend, who I wanted to be here with me. She dose not judge, criticize, or give me strange looks. She’s their for me once a month and makes me happier with every kiss. Bourbon, I’m glad you could join me on my final thoughts. You might change them, you might give me a slur, but friendships always have a price…$34.99 on special.
10:20 Full Bottle
I have asked a lot of questions in my life, but my last question will end it. Just when to ask it is my problem. It could be now or in five, 10, 20 or even 30 years. This would be the result if I had continued as normal. Lately it seams to have been reduced. Recently new obstacles have been pushing me, to a point where the question might be premature. This might ruin it, that is something I do not want.
10:26 Bottle ¾ Full
There is a catalyst to my final question. It brought on worry from none. Though its kind of funny, it was the reaction I wanted. I ask myself, why should I live? At first the answer did not come, then weeks past. Now exactly one month later, a realize that it had be answer the moment I ask the question. To even ask, is to answer.
10:49 Bottle ½ Full
We ask so many questions a day, that we forget them just as quick as we think of them. Most things past us without thought, I hope that happens. For I will not be the only one, their will be moor. Moor deserving of attention. I want them to have that, if that is their wish. It is not my wish. Maybe it will be quick and forgotten.
11:01 Bottle ¼ Full
So now that my last drink near at an end, I still feel it the best idea. Just an idea, that’s what started my life. But it was not mine. I do not agree with ideas, for there is no need for an answer. Questions ruled my life, now I rule them. I picked them apart, threw away the one’s I felt useless. Now left with the one I searched for. It dose not stand over me, I stand over it and hold my head high.
11:11 Bottle Empty
Now?…Yes.

Question every unanswerable question.

A Hypercridical Feeling

Only my closest friend and close family, know about my creation of Mathis. Now due to a large change in my life, I would like to share with you a short passage I wrote last year.

Mathis walked the beaches of the world all his life trying to find the perfect moment.
After walking the last beach he realised how many moments he waisted try to find that perfect moment.
25/11/07 - Dylan Bray

After a long week I feel as if my passage on the pavement, has been thrown on the beach. It will be a while until I make my way to the pavement again. But I dont mean this to be all about me. This is about my hero, my father. Mathew passed away on the 6/5/08. He will be miss not only by me, but every one who knew and loved him.

Live, for most that have walked this earth cant. - Dylan Bray 15/5/08

Small change to life

My something changed today, caused by freewill. I chose for it to happen and I accept any consequences. This will not affect anyone around me, for it is not for most. The change is not for show to those to judge, it is for those who are interested. I chose the change for a feeling of pride and to tell myself that if im going to do something, I will do it. I did change.

- Refering to my tattoo. But also to anyone else who is afraid of comitment and change.

Drunken Underclass

I find most things funny. But courage is some thing that I lack and feel want. Sometimes it comes out, but like the rabbit, I long for a dark hole. Backing down and walking off summarises most of my personality. I stand for what I think is right, yet when conflict comes I do not stand my ground. Bringing hate to myself, is always the end result. Was I made this way? No, it was brought on by force. Years of torcher and coming last, has left me a shadow of myself. Thing's i would like to say, either don't come easy or not at all. I guess that if I just continue to be who i am, I will eventually fade. Really is that so bad, to just leave this all behind.

Fade - To be with ones self and ones own thoughts.

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I would like to take a step back, but you would rather kick me back. We talk as if we are all about to die, but really, are we not already dead.

Rise - To be blind.

Miles of no left turns

It seams to haunt me, for hours and some times days. This weekly repetition, why do I do it? Is it because I'm looking for some thing that i will never find. I don't look, maybe that is my problem. Problems, so many, only wish they would resolve. Hiding from resolution is what i do, but I want it to stop. Please make it stop. The voices hurt, like the memories that i hold. They stay with me day by day. All i really want to do, is turn left.

Go walk by yourself.

Walking seams to be overrated these days. I walk every day, sometimes i don't stop for 30 minuets.
I walk:

• Forward
• Backward
• Left
• Right
• Up and down stairs
• Up and down inclines
• On racking
• Shelving
• Tables

I jump as well, but not allot.

Have I:

• Lost weight
• Regrown hair
• Stopped smoking
• Increased sperm count

No...

Have I helped the earth, no. Would you like to be walked on, no. Then stop telling me to walk, because i do. Just because I'm fat, dose not mean I'm a lazy fuck.

Hate - you.

My Last (to be contradicted in the near future)

This will be my first and last post. It will not end with a bang, for I don't believe in guns. It will not end with rope, for my neck is too stong. It will not end with the glint of a blade, because i am to afraid. Imbarissment fills me every day. Hate fills me, with the feeling of being left out drags me down. Living in everyones back ground, has made me childish and silent. Do you care? You probably think you do, but you really dont. If you think you care, then we share a simalar trait. We watch deppressing movies, listen to sad songs and write hatefull words. For all I am is an attention seeker, due to a total lack of love. I am used, by those who know how. I am what I was told to be, kind, nice, respectful. What do I get in return, nothing, no love, no friends and no respect. I am a theripist to my so called freinds, a messenger boy. kept around to make them feel better. If you have read this far, I would like to reasure you now, Im not going to kill myself. Some of you are happy to hear that, yet some are not so. To them I say give me another 25 years.

Fall - No matter how big you might get, we all fall.